Monday, September 7, 2009

why i don't sleep with snakes

that last entry, the reference to lying with myself, reminded me of the following:

i forget who told me this story:
so there was this lady. (pardon the generalizations that riddle my story like air pockets in pumice.) she owned a snake. one of them big ones like a boa or a python. the snake slept not in a terrarium like some common reptile, but with her, curled up at the foot of her most comfy bed (im gonna take a guess that she checked the single box when filing her taxes). now, they had a fine relationship for some time. snake provided cold blooded comfort, and exotic pet owning cool factor, woman provided small warm animals for reptile's digestive pleasure. everything cool? everything's cool. for a some time, at least. then woman noticed that snake was not eating as per usual. time passed, still no interest in the proffered rodents. woman took note. then snake exhibited some strange behavior. snake, instead of taking the usual assumed coiled position at the tucked end of the bed, snake decided one night to lay down next to woman, stretched out to snake's full length, which was longer than the full length of prostrate woman. hmm, woman thought, curious. more time passed. still no interest in feeding time. woman called vet.
woman: snake not be eating,
vet: snake not hungry yet maybs.
woman: oh, and snake did this weird thing and stretched out next to me in bed.
vet: stop sleeping with your snake immediately. snake is going to eat you.
apparently, (tho i have not had the time to verify this fact on wikipedia) stretching out next to live object is snakes way of sizing up their next meal. this snake was trying to see if this woman would fit inside snakes body. snake was planning on eating woman. w.t.f.
i am assuming woman took vet's recommendation and snake was sentenced to lockdown in the terrarium for attempted assassination via the unhinging of the jaws.
blast, time to go back to work. moral of the story: maybs you wanna think twice bout bunking up with slithery reptiles.

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