so during my time in milwaukee, i had the pleasure of staying in a 4 (does it go up to 5 or are there only 4 stars. which ever it is, it was full star) star hotel in the historic east side district (hotel metro, for those who value transparency in a writer). i tend to be understated and what im about to say mos def keeps me true to my nature: that place is fancy. it's bigger than my apartment. granted it is a studio on capital hill that i share, but feel me on this one, the room was nice. real nice.
i, on the other hand, am not. fancy. im about as scrappy/rough and tumble as they come. put me in a tent on the roof with a warm sleeping bag and a thermos of hot tea and im good to go. the 5 layers of EGYPTIAN COTTON sheets and not 1 but 2 flat screen TVs were lost on me. same goes for the 12 super fluffy towels in assorted sizes, the cosmic array of travel(er) sized AVEDA products and 24 hour room service that included organic salads on the menu.
for the first day or two, i pretty much tip toed around. i made my bed. i wiped the glass bathroom sink counter top free of post teeth brushing water beads. i avoided like the plague the gigantic bath tub and accompanying salts.
day two or three rolls around, and really, i start thinking to myself, this place isnt all that bad. i nibbled the large piece of ok chocolate enrobed in gold foil. i hung my running clothes in the closet on the pink satin cushioned coat hangers. i broke open the AVEDA facial soap and body soap.
day three or four and i catch myself midway thru transformation from nice scrappy privileged DIY bike punk to impatient high maintenance privileged DIY bike punk. the hot water spewing from the high pressure variable stream handleable shower head was not hot enough. the shiny white porcelain basin that floored the slate rock tiled shower was too slippery. the 'business speed' internet was not fast enough for my 'business.' the complimentary fruit from the basket on the receptionist desk had a bruise on it.
wow. so this is how some people get to be that kind of person. somehow in the process of fancyfying my surroundings, the internal relationship between my environment and my dealing with it became inappropriately inversely proportional. things got superficially nice, i got superficially lily livered/weak. i stopped myself from calling the front desk to file a formal complaint using the phone conveniently located right next to the toilet.
i put my complaining for the sake of well cuz i can to a halt went for a walk to the health food store market. leaning my graciously offered umbrella into the blustery rain, i set off to find some snacks, my sense of reason.
back at the hotel, i spent a good 15 minutes tidying up before check out. i wanted to leave a tip on the pillow for housekeeping (i hadnt let them in the whole time i had been there) but stood there with my wallet open, staring at the 4 ones and the single ten. 4 bucks seems lousy, i had been there 5 days. but ten bucks, that felt like it leaned towards patronizing. i agonized longer than necessary then rested mr, uh, mr whichever president is on the ten on the soft feather comforter and walked out. wait, do people even tip housekeepers? i dont know. oh well.
in the lobby waiting for my people, i grabbed an apple from the free basket. i got most of the way thru then stopped because the core and its immediate surroundings were brown. the apple was well on its figurative way south. i stared at the apple, then to the uniformed staff behind the desk, then back at the apple, then at the fancy run on the floor. be right back, i told my on time people, and walked across the lobby to throw the rotten core in the trash can.