You're Welcome.

Dear Sister of Mine Who is in a More Than 2.5 Year Long Hetero Relationship,

I have a confession to make: Over the past little while, I have been secretly scheming in your favor.
I have noticed over the past little while, a particular situation you have, to no fault of anyone, found yourself in. And it is only getting worse. As of yet, I have been helpless to alleviate the discomfort you feel, to deflect any pointed digs in your future direction. And it has pained me so, to watch one so close to me suffer so.
And then there is the guilt. The guilt felt only by one who not only is helpless to help but is also completely free from such an attack. I have been inviolable.
And, after much thought and internal debate, I have come upon a solution. Where I cannot be of service directly, I must do so indirectly. Where I do not have the power to change the situation of others, I am the master of my own circumstance. Where I cannot take the cross off your shoulders completely, I can, at the very least, share the burden.
And what, you ask, is this fix? Well, and please no, hold off on the thank you's, I have enlisted the help of my personal friend, President Obama, and we have decided to make GAY MARRIAGE an ok thing! Now, Dear Sister, you will no longer be the sole recipient of Mom and Dad's (ok, mostly Mom's) pressure to get hitched! We shall walk this path together, side by side, as true equals. Fielding and deflecting the hints, that range from less than subtle to down right heavy handed, that marriage is the next rite of passage (aka the final barrier between them and grandkids) (uh, about that. yeah, I'll be taking the fork in the trail that points towards inner-tubing down the river with my gay friends and away from the whole birth thingy that's like way more a steep climb than suits me. feel free to drop them off in ankle-ville* when they are done throwing up), and damn are we taking our sweet freaking time.
Sister, breathe easy (for now), you are so, so welcome.

Love,
Your Newly Allowed to Have My Relationship Recognized by the State Gay Sister


* aunt + uncle = ankle** (or aunkle)
** way better than gay + aunt = gaunt, you think?