Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I'm gonna start a blog about sleeping bags.

Why? Because apparently I have a lot to say about them.
Exhibit A - the last blog.
Exhibit B - this blog: I was at Aryeye last night shopping for a tent for my trip that I leave for in a few hours (did I buy a $300+ tent? No. Did I come away with a greater knowledge of tents/appreciation for friends who have lent me tents in the past? Yes.) and whilst admiring the different color schemes on the tent field guide poster, I overheard some customers exchanging some words about sleeping bags with a cashier mid transaction. I, without taking my eyes off the tent diagrams, perked up my ears and took a step closer lest I miss a single word. The conversation went something like this:
cashier: . . .men's sleeping bags zip on (one side), women's on the (other).
young man: why is that?
cashier: so you can zip them together.
woman presumably mother of young man: oh I didn't know that.
young man: you thinking of getting some action on the mountain?
ok maybe it's not his mom: (no words, just a bevy of looks directed back at the young man, at the cashier)

I ceased listening after that. I was in shock! Gendered sleeping bags?! Yes, I understand that people have different body types and a gross generalization can be made for those of female biology vs those of male biology, but to limit the union of two sleep bags to those of opposing body types - this is a barefaced outrage! What if I want to be warm in the woods with my Lady Friend? Is this faceless Aryeye to be our remote chaperone/cockblock? And what if two dudes who share a love of nature but not each other's bits, hike up in the mountain together, sharing snacks, stories, platonic shoulder massages, only to find themselves underprepared for unexpected cold weather and need each other to stay warm through the night, to survive? Are we to let them die, together in the tent yet so far apart in their individually zipped up sleeping bags?
So. This to you I propose: gay - I mean Unisex- sleeping bags. One shape. Zipper down both sides so you can keep your side of the futon. Comes in pink with a black dot or black with a pink dot. Galaxy print interior either way*. Can also be zipped head to toe, head to toe, (ahem, not for what you are probably thinking) so that the dots on the bags make a kind of perfect yin/yang symbol when in union. Each one comes with a glow stick, some sage, chapstick. Oh and they're super light and can pack down into a small pouch that doubles as a fanny pack.
People, it's time we all get on the same page: the revolution will be egalitarian, stylish and toasty, toasty warm.

*warm gays in Space!

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