Friday, May 6, 2011

The Christian Cure for the Common Cold

I am under the weather. How far? Definitely more than 3 inches, nowhere near 6 feet.
Earlier, after bailing on all my evening duties, I sat at home trying to figure out ways to A) make myself warm and B) get the germs out of my system. I have been following the prescribed 'drink more fluids than you thought humanly possible' route with very little instant gratification other than that which is experienced after peeing out aforementioned obscene quantity of fluids. Another regenerative axiom floated into my brain: sweat it out. Do not picture me in a low cut tank top and striped shiny shorts ala Richard Simmons. Nor create any mental images of me wearing a candy bright leotard with matching head band a la Jauanita de la Fonda. I am swaddled in regular attire (read: what I would normally where to go out in the dead of winter. save for sheep fur lined boots). But, seeing as I was having difficulty getting my body temperature to, what's normal these days? 37degrees celsius? with layers of an entire flocks worth of wool, plus a freshly filled water bottle (those red rubber things that old people/actors on cold medicine commercials have) (a friend gave me one years ago as a gift and it truly is the best thing ever) (on cold nights), I needed to seek out new strategies.
My nose and urinary tract were already in overdrive, what other floodgates do I have left? (No, I'm not sorry I asked. I am specifically referring to the dismissal of clear liquids of the platonic variety. Besides, it was kinda retorical of a question.) Then it came to me: my eyes. Well, tear ducts to be specific. I know! I thought to myself, I will cry this cold out of my system! Ok, now then, question: how to make myself cry without stressing myself out. Answer: sad movie. Think, ilvs, think, what movie made you weep effortlessly, uncontrollably? Dancer in the Dark. Oh, wait, that movie also made me extremely depressed. That and I don't have 2+ hours, I wanna cry now! and feel good about it! Then it came to me. . .

That freaking Christian lion you tube video.

For those of you who missed it (and for everyone else, you should probably watch it again), please take this moment to visit:

Well, tell me I don't need to convince you the wonders it worked. I freaking bawled the head cold right out of my face for however many minutes makes up around 5 maybe more viewings of that video. I feel a hundred times better. Way better than a stupid netty pot. Not as time intensive or messy or expensive (provided you have free internet access) or embarrassing (provided the free internet is not accessed at your local branch of the Seattle Public Library).

And now that I have stumbled upon this miracle cure, I shall recommend it to all who feel slightly unwell or in low spirits. And I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you dreamed of. And I wish to you joy and happiness, but above all this, I wish you love.
And excellent health.

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